Rebirthing an old painting

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I have these paintings I made a long time ago. They're put away in my studio, preferably somewhere I can't see them. They are the failures, the not-so-goods, the not-wanted ones. The sad ones, the left overs, the you could-be-better ones.
Mostly I let them lie for a while afore I go and finish them. As in, paining them to an end I mean. Not actually finish them of. Even though there are times I would want to, mind you. I would smack them with paint, scratch it's surface, slap en throw them and let them know how angry I am. But instead I rage and stamp on the floor and throw the painting in a corner.
You wouldn't say so, looking at all the friendly, lovely, soft, sweet colours I use.
Well, that's because I want to feel like that! I want to feel soft, sweet, lovely, friendly, happy and all that is good and bright and calm. So I paint it. As if I am all that already.

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You see I am ill, chronicly ill. Have been for a long time. And as yet, things are a bit rough. So this painting with all his bright orange and pinks irritated me. HUGE
I don't feel like that at all and I don't want to see it either.
So I took white and smeared it all over, to scratch it away again with a palette knife ;)
Then I took purple, dark, you know. But that was so afwfull I ended up mixing it with white also. And now, half way through I have this soft, sweet, happy, nice, lovely coloured painting.
I can't help it.
I keep ending up with these colours.
No matter how dark my mood, how sad I feel, I stil paint with these colours.
It must be some sort of inner longing for all that is beautifull.
A longing for love.
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New designs on RedBubble

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I want the dawn to feel like the greatest promise,the aurora as the kiss of God,My day as a scented garden in the sun,twilight like a warm blanket,and my night as a heartwarming plot.
I want  my job to feel as the greatest reward,my inspiration as wings on the wind,my creativity as a perpetual sourcethe colors on my canvas as a brilliant rainbow,and the caressing images I create as comfort and encouragement to many.
I want my being is as sweet as a butterfly,my heart as warm as rays of the the sun on a summer's day,my eyes pools of unconditional love,I want my arms to bring joy, comfort and protection,and my voice a caress of the soul,my laugh  like singing bowls in the windand in my lap the hope of new.
I want love to be like the blossom on the trees,tender, delicate, sweet, soft, ageless and immortal,as a celestial dance music.
I want hope to feel like anything is possible,and  my dreams may go to infinity,my heart to reach to the sky, full of love for all that isI wish I may feel and share peace forever and ever
I want to feel my freedom like I am flying in the clouds, walking on water,endlessly float in the air .......
That;s how I want my life to be.


*´¨)Inspired by: 
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(¸.•´ ★ Danielle Laporte- the Burning Question *¨*•.¸¸.. ★ 

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Proud contributor of the Phoenix Soul

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And then I had my first publication overseas.
Have been dreaming about it. I had my hopes set on it, ever since I joined Sprout-community. I felt such a sence of belonging. This was like coming home in every way. So I made myself a promise, to be one of the contributors this year. It was my New Years resolution.
I started to react on Amanda's questions on facebook. Her reactions were so sweet. And she quoted me in Sprout/the Phoenix Soul. Was I ever so proud!!!!

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Writing on a blog is very rewarding when you have readers, if not it is a lonely quest.
I started writing on my blog Zeeuws Bibje in 2008, 9 months after my dad died and in the middle of crisis. I wrote about frugal living with a bit of self-mockery and humor.
I wrote about frugal living because I had a rough financial time and needed to put things in perspective and to keep my head up ;) So I wrote about my kids and my budget and how I went frugal to pay my debts.
While doing that I stumbled on grieve and hurt.
It was always part of my blogs. How I found my way out of it, how I struggeld, how I crawled my way up again. How I painted and wrote as a prayer to healing. How I turned inwards.  All that has been written down on Zeeuws Bibje.
I used to write in English and Dutch cause I had overseas readers. Later on I became slacky and did not translate anymore( instead I installed the translate button which is horrible at translating though ;)
But now I stand here.
And I have my readers in the Phoenix Soul. Yeeeeeej so happy so excited.

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Just so you know
this is my artblog ....
think I will stumble upon vulnarability over here as well.
I know I will, I already did.

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