Some Soulsearching

Yvonne de Jong Sunset 26 may 2015 our Lighthouse-the Lange Jaap

So I was talking with my therapist during a session about my life and the future. When she askes me this question; "What is stopping you?"
All kinds of emotions bubbled up, all sorts of thoughts swirled through my head.
"I stand on the threshold and I do not want to walk alone through that door."
"Who do you want to come with you?" she asked me.
And the I had to cry!
Because I want my dad to come with me, But my dad is dead, He can't come with me in this new life..
BENG
It hit me rock bottom
What did he mean to me, and what of him do I carry in my heart?
"Because, he is not gone,"she said,"he is in your heart."
"What was it your father gave you, that you miss so much right now?"
Well I can be short, I miss a sence of security, safety, feeling safe. I could not tell her because of alle the emotions that overwhelmed me then and there. But that is what is is, I don't feel safe anymore.
We felt so lost, my mom and I, when he went to heaven.
He was our tower of strength, the tree under which we could hide. The arms who held us save and warm, the tranquility that was wrapped around us. He was the glue of the family.
All fell apart when he moved to heaven.

Jeffrey Bakker Sunset 26 may 2015-our watertower in the distance

Grief is a strange thing,
it is vulnerable, raw, sensitive, and in the background is always present.
Sometimes I think I am done. Almost impatiently I long for that moment, that I no longer bursts into tears only at the thought of him. Of her, of them. Then  I'm completely happy. Until it suddenly  changes and reallise  I miss them so very very much ..... fog is my vision.

Mark Zijp Sunset 26 may 2015

Very different was the sunset tonight,
I found some pictures on facebook. All local photographers. Beautiful skies are they not?
You just forget everything looking at skies like these,
you disappear in the red rose of the ending day.
It is weird but I'm already in my new life, and I did not even notice it.
It started the day he left, and renewed the day she went after him.
I stepped over the threshold of my new life a while ago, and stood still.  I just have to walk in the soft smelling flowery meadow now.
You are safe Bibje
You're safe!
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(¸.•´ ★ *¨*•.¸¸.. ★Did I tell you my studio is finally coming trough?*¨*•.¸¸.. ★*¨*•.¸¸.. ★
I am so happy to tell you I have my place with a balcony! Can you imagine? It feels so good!!!!
I made a little drawing last year to focus on getting my own studio. It looks a little different but stilll it is my space. Think of all the beauty I will create there. So gratefull so gratefull soooo gratefull.

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(¸.•´ ★ *¨*•.¸¸.. ★And there is another did I tel you.*¨*•.¸¸.. ★*¨*•.¸¸.. ★I am asked to write for The Phoenix Soul,   Yeeeeeeejjjjjj
It's a dream come true, I wished it as a New Years resolution, I am so happy, have been cheering all week. It's the best birthdaygift ever....though my birthday is next week :)
*´¨) sooo see you in the Phoenix Soul?
¸.•´¸.•*´¨) and/or on the blog
(¸.•´ ★ *¨*•.¸¸.. ★ baaai baai